I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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