That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
