I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
