I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if only i could text you this smell
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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