My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Jerry, you need to find god
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
ok first of all what the fuck
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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