In the future we'll all be gay
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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