two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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