If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
