I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
