Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
