When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
