The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
