i'm lost and i look like a hooker
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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