I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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