Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
