she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
