a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
