dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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