we're blogging at a bar
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
