we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
