Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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