my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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