New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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