so let's talk penis.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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