so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
