Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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