I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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