we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
