Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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