I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
