i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The uberlube is also flammable
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
