do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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