Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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