Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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