Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
