Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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