i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
