he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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