you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
