Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
