walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
