everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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