If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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