I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
