I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
