oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
