I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
