I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
