Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
