guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
